Dying Alone: The Tragic Element for Our Current Condition

Social distancing.  Self Isolation. Self Quarantine. These are the phrases that shape our world during the Covid 19 pandemic. We all know why. It’s to focus on “Flattening the Curve” of a virus for which we have no immunity or immunization. But this goes beyond the people who catch the deadly disease.

It affects all the interaction we humans depend on. Our families, for their protection, are isolated from loved ones who need our loving emotional support. It is gut wrenching. 

Look beyond the Covid 19 victims. Think through the hospital and all the reasons people are there. Mentally walk around the Convalescent Centers and homes for the elderly. The people in those beds and small rooms need the family contacts as a life-line. Their world has people; wonderful dedicated nurses, doctors and all forms of health aides. Bless them. Their job is very hard but made more so because the mental health of those under their care is fragile. Our loved ones aren’t alone but vital part of their support structure is missing: family.

Again, I need to underline, I know why but it doesn’t lessen the tragedy. The images of an elderly person pressing their hand against the window as a son or daughter does the same on the other side of the glass. Isolation. The absence of the family members touch.

My husband of almost 45 years needed to have heart valve surgery, a healthy man in every other way, had never had any surgery in his life. It was decided to not put it off due to this virus’s deadly pulmonary component. Get it done and after a short stay in the hospital …when he was stabilized and able to maintain, he could come home to finish his recuperation. There were many health professionals watching over him… busy with the enormity of their job, phenomenally important.

The ICU was, by necessity, lit up like a stadium and my hubby was having difficulty sleeping. A vital, constantly moving man, he wasn’t adjusting well to the tubes, medication and all of the important steps and safe guards the medical staff did to help him recover. He was very sleep deprived and just wanted to go home. 

Neither our son or I could be there. We couldn’t reassure or hold his hand or distract him with stories. We had one short FaceTime interaction and two brief phone calls. It wasn’t the nurses fault. They have a ward full of patients. Think about the normal hospital stay of a family member. The amount of time your loved one can visit with you … that human loving lifeline. For my better-half… Covid 19 precautions prevented it. Then something completely unexpected happened … he died.

The precautions are incredibly important. To be angry at them is pointless. In order to keep people safe it must be done. But I wish I could have been with him to give him the reassuring and loving touch of family. It wouldn’t have changed his surprise death but it would have made those lost hours happier and more settled for him and given us some memories of being with him.

Rest in peace, my beloved man.